My family raised me to believe I was useless and defective.
That reigned supreme in my thoughts and actions and became the faulty foundation I mistakenly tried to build my life on. For almost my entire life, I was promiscuous, insecure, and needy. I excelled in self-destruction and self-loathing behavior. I flunked out of college in the 1980’s. Locked in low-income jobs, I worked my full-time job plus any part-time job I could get. Surviving was hard. My stress levels were always high, and I did not know how to solve my problems.
So, alcohol became my escape, but blowing money on it did not help. Still, I got drunk daily, running from the staggering pain of the repressed child abuse which led me straight to domestic violence. I did not realize that every man I got involved with embodied aspects of the home life I was desperate to escape. I drank heavily and irresponsibly for thirty years. I also survived two failed suicide attempts, the latest in the spring of 2012.
My life in recovery began in early 1990’s.
The man I was living with allowed his angry alcoholic father to move in with us. He kept a loaded shotgun by the front door. Terrified, I reached out to psychotherapy and found myself diagnosed with Clinical Depression and Alcoholism. In the upcoming years, I would try to stop drinking only to relapse multiple times.
I saw different therapists, learning from each and slowly getting better. I was unconscious of something buried deep within myself, but I kept going back. For me, it has been my hard work in therapy that helped me get sober and stay sober because I came to understand how I turned into an alcoholic.
Today, I am a happy recovering alcoholic who will celebrate 11 solid years of sobriety this coming November 16th of 2018. I am happier than I ever dreamed I could be even though I live off of government disability and am buried in debt. I believe it will all work out because my self-esteem and self-confidence are healing. I strengthen my foundation with those now.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
Can you relate to anything I have mentioned?
Please, read on because the purpose of my blog is to share how to recover and live a happy and productive life.
Today, I understand addiction inside and out. I understand how recovery works. I am very honest about the mistakes I have made in my life and how I am turning my life around into a happy and productive lifestyle. Now, I make better choices than I did during my drinking career because I have learned new ways to manage myself and problem solve. Anyone can learn them if they choose to. This is why I write and blog.
One of my life’s ambition is that my readers see that a happy, gratifying life is possible for those who chase it down and make it their own. I hope others will see some of themselves in my writing.
I am intent on personal growth; that is how I have gotten better. I work on that still and will for the rest of my life. I hope that that is something that interests you.
So, what will you do? Are you happy with where you are or do you have areas in your life you want to improve?